|
more poems and songs
I hate the lying
I hate the deceit
I hate the hiding
I hate the shame
I hate the pain
That I cause everyone
I want to stop
So why do I want to cut?
I miss it when its not there
I miss hiding the marks
I miss the pain that I can cause myself
I want to be in control again
I want to punish myself once more
How else can I do it?
What other way do I know?
Do I want to stop?
Will I just start again?
Whats the point of trying?
Just to fail yet again
Every time is harder than the last
Can I cope with starting again?
I don't know......
I can't explain...
I wish I knew the answers
I wish I knew the questions
|
| |
shelf
one try
it's not enough
i need
to be tough
because if
i'm not
i won't have
what you've got
all i do
is bruise myself
lock me up
hide on a shelf
i'll sit there
i'll stay
until the shelf
reeks of decay
and when the snow
falls to the ground
it does so softly
without a sound
and the floor
is cleaned at times
the wind plays
in the windchimes
a big bird
flies past here
but it never
comes too near
if i could
reach from this shelf
i would try
to free myself
and i could try
to get away
but i'm the only one
who makes me stay
i could try
to break free
but i'm not so sure
i want to flee
because it's safe
to stay up here
where the world
is never near
i can stay
in my own dream
i will stay
on my own team
need no help
not from you
when this shelf falls
i'll find a new
|
|
LOST"
"I stand In a World
in a maze
Of
"Paradox"
"Wanting The world to know
who I am"
"LOST"
feeling unloved
"BLINDED"
Walking on a Path of
"HUMILITY"
Wanting my "Family "
to
"UNDERSTAND"
I see they cannot,
I feel so much
"SHAME"
I reach out for acceptance,
Beleiving They cannot see,
"Wanting The world
To know who I am"
Trying,
beleiving,
receiving,
Longing,
Reaching out in "HUMILITY"
to beautify My
"EXISTENCE"
Wanting the the world
To know
who I am"
Seeing they cannot
"UNDERSTAND"
|
| |
Bubles
i know this way
i've been here before
i stumble over corpses
i slip on blood
i fall into an ocean
i cannot breathe
sucked down
blood makes bubbles
pretty bubbles
floating away |
|
i know i need help but i just want to be left alone
i cry in the dark so no one sees my pain
i muffle my sounds of distress so i dont intrude upon anyones life
i cut so i dont hurt i dont explode
but still they want me to stop
want me to talk but the words are locked up and im
...lost...
i know im loved but it doesnt change the way i feel
they dont really seem to know
moitoring the only place i get hope from
say i need to talk to them
they dont see the words cannot be thawed from me by anyone
the way i cope its not nice its not pretty but it helps
nothing else i think will help no matter what statistics say
im just a little girl locked within this flesh
im scared and hopeless and i just want
to be found by the one who i know will understand
|
| |
i promise I will be good
he's so much godlier than i am
he tells me so every night
when i start to cry from the pain
if i was a godly little girl
he'd spare me this
but i need to be punished
oh, but he's always gentle
caressing, licking, touching
"is it good for you, my little sara?" he whispers
is it supposed to feel good?
he acts as though i should enjoy it
then leaves me in my soiled bed
off to his room for the night
putting on his headphones
i can hear him sing off-key
as he prepares his lesson
for tomorrow night's youth group
"jesus, holy and anointed one," he sings
i lay very quiet and still
his wetness all around me
drowning me in sickening memories
off to the bathroom i creep
my flannel nightgown sticking
to my quivering body
standing on my tip toes
i gaze into the mirror
search my reflection for a sign
maybe a prayer would work
i close my eyes and bow my head
"i'm sorry jesus, i'll be good," i beg
slipping back into my room
the bed still smells like him
so i sleep on the floor
|
|
life sometimes seems right
life sometimes seems wrong
but how often do u see the mediocre times
written into poem or song?
When things aren't good
but their not really bad
you can't complain...it's just something.
Somethings making you sad.
You can't put your finger on it
You can't explain the at the time
maybe words aren't created
maybe mediocre is a crime
its like waking up
and not knowing where you are
you feel safe in the bed you're in
yet something tells you the walk home is too far....
It's like being annoyed with a person
but you cannot tell them why
because it will hurt their 'feelings'
so instead: you get frustrated and sigh.
It's like a curious animal
let out of it's captive home
she's filled with wonder and amazement
yet she's out of her comfort zone
It's like...It's like a lot of things
i could compare all day.... with medicore times
but i really dont have a clue
so i'll at least end with a word that rhymes
|
